Allah gave YOU

Inside-sighs and half-smiles

for an ideal and a reality that was a mirage.


under the veneer of sweet melodies from adolescence

and the fantasy fiction books

and the memories of people and a hollowed identity they bring.

Strange, empty nostalgia because I can’t love dust.

Stillness, fullness and awe

of a heavy truth

which is everywhere and nowhere

that my lifes work will be to mediate, guard and contain.

Oblivious to death when the body is death and everything is already destroyed


for His Face.

Allah Ya Samad, help me to remember!

You are greater… so loving you is sweeter…

Substitute bench

This morning I rose from the dead again, I couldn’t quite locate where I had gone, I still can’t. Sometimes on the brink of wakefulness it feels as though I am on a substitute bench remembering something higher, waiting to be called when I see myself stirring, to be allocated back

to the body I didn’t create, the body which has grown taller and wider without me noticing.

Last night I lost my body again, but I didn’t diminish in any way. I was somewhere else waiting. Was the waiting room the same place I waited before my parents found me allocated to the body mum birthed in 95′? the place that Allah new before ‘Be’, that my family only knew of once I joined humanity to live my decree?

How much of yourself do you really know? You have sovereignty over your limbs for now but you are not the Lord of your sleep, siri has more power to wake you then you do. Why can’t you wake you up?

That thing that animated Malcolm’s mind and body and gave presence to his speeches, we try to give a pseudo life to through books and tongues but we can’t pinpoint it on film. And yet glimpses of it are recycled in editions and revisions of his biography, words and the legacy lives in hearts and  minds long after his vessel has become vacant and the carcass has fallen. Where was Malcolm located that day the image of his silent body was broadcast worldwide?

After the brightness

had been extracted from yesterdays canopy, I found it being turned on again. Yet again the sun and the earth are more consistent than us, as are worker bees who know and fulfil their purpose each day, and run their course from the instance of birth until death.

Does the ‘I’ of a double amputee diminish in any way? no, I don’t think so… Neither does the ‘I’ shrink during a psychotic break’s siege of the mind- I know so.

The truth is dumb and the Anthropologist has a degree despite your logic so hush. As long as markets of academic speculation can be built one above the trembling other, logic’s natural fibres which we recognise in ourselves, nature and the pages of the Qur’an will be camouflaged beneath fragile markets of empty ‘isms’.

This morning I woke up again, shocked, again, to find myself witnessing myself. Again. I am inside a body I didn’t create which has grown taller and wider without me noticing. I live in a world which masks me from the reality of myself: that I am living on the brink of death, and that I sit and walk on the decomposed civilisations that have come before me.

Tonight you will have a small death again. You were born into a race and you are running out. This day is a lifetime and your capital so trade wisely.



The one who depends on Allah As-Salam will never panic. Allah’s strength will show itself in him as the fearlessness of the believer. This is the manifestation of As-salam. Patience is also a manifestation of As-salam. Abd as -Salam is the one who Allah protects against all trouble need and shame.

The Most Beautiful Names, Sheikh Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi al-Halveti, 13

Dont fear the blame of a critic

A tiny spider in a darkened corner of a room will spark a chaotic eruption from the room’s inhabitants. How can you give a nearly invisible spider power over so large a space and more importantly you?

Next time keep it backed in a corner, remember how small a force it is and continue with your life.

It is more afraid of you.


Abd-al-Halim is blessed with perfect character. His manifestation is gentleness and forgiveness. Although having the power to punish and to take revenge, he will forgive and treat kindly the ones who tyrannise him. He will be forbearing in the face of treachery of the deceitful and the stupidity of the vile. Yet he is always victorious over the mean with his gentleness.


Sheikh Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi al-Halveti, The Most Beautiful Names, 42-43


He is the Most Majestic and Glorious.

Allah Most High is glorious and majestic in the whole of His creation and beyond. No hand reaches Him, no power can touch Him, yet He is closer to his servants than their own souls; He has love and mercy for them more than they could have for themselves. His bounties are infinite; there is no end to His mercy. His state is pure perfection; His acts are pure wisdom.

Sheikh Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi al-Halveti, The Most Beautiful Names, p63

Found love

I'm glad.

I'm glad this eternal love happened when it did
perfect timing on axis I can't understand
which conquered conflict and the cowering
who have been rattling inside my chest for years.
sweet surrender is sweeter when old debris gives way to red soil where a garden is springing to mind.
destruction is what i knew but now I know only revolution is possible when we cling
to the one who is best to protect
and who is best to help.


Abducted from home
now the House moves with me and breathes with me
only when 
I am blessed enough to remember.

Let this be the last time sin consumes and its archives are unnecessarily opened
where pain is self-inflicted, nearly relished-
when he is Ar Rahman Ar Rahim and tells us to breathe it at the rise and decline of the sun.


natural fibres

"stop acting so small, you are the universe in ecstatic motion"  Rumi told me.

"you are but numbered days" al-Hasan al-Basri told me.

ultimately I forget time will move faster.

so I should cling to the natural fibres. so true, existence acts as a camouflage against them. where holding a needle thin fibre to my eye, peering through so that the light refracts and my vision warps beyond by body and to the reality,

I find a cluster of stars called Serenity that acts as large as the universe.